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Parenting Your Teenager:
Universal Laws for Parents of Teenagers
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Law of Belonging -
One of the
greatest needs of
teenagers (after music,
screen time and the
phone) is a strong sense
of belonging. They need
to feel like they are a
part of something bigger
than themselves. And
guess what? If they do
not get this need met in
a healthy place, they
will begin to look for
ways to get this need
met anywhere else they
can find it.
Law of Power
-
Once
you’ve entered into a
power struggle with a
teenager, you’ve already
lost. It's like the
closing line "War
Games", "Interesting
game, the only winning
move is not to play".
Law of Control
-
Trying to control a
teenager is like trying
to put pants on a
gorilla. It's just going
to frustrate you and
really irritate the
gorilla. Not a great way
to live day to day.
Law of Management
-
A
management approach puts
the parents clearly in
charge. The goal is to
eventually manage them
out of your lives, and
into their own.
Law of Voice
-
In a
well functioning family,
the teens almost always
get a voice. They just
don't always get a vote.
Consistently violate
either side of this
equation and you've got
trouble.
Punishment is often done
out of anger and is
usually for the parent.
Punishment breeds
resentment and a desire
for revenge.
Teens
have many creative ways
to get you back.
Law of Consequences -
Consequences teach
teens about the real
world. In general they
need to be related,
reasonable, respectful,
swift, strong and
short-term.
Law of Structure -
Parents need to set
boundaries & structure
from day one. If you
don't do it while they
are young, what makes
you think they will obey
curfew when they have a
car?
Law
of W's -
When
teens are gone from
home, parents need to
know who they are with,
where they are going,
what they will be doing
and what time they will
be back.
Law of 20 Feet
-
The
law of 20 feet states
that at a certain age,
you must walk at least
20 feet away from your
teen if you are in a
public place. Thirty
feet if you're in the
mall.
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