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Q: With the
school year just beginning, what can we
do as parents to help make this a
successful year for our teenager and our
family? Are there any specific things we
can do?
A: Great
question. Fortunately there are many
things you can do to make this a
successful school year, not just for
your teen, but for the whole family as
well.
In
general, the first thing to keep in mind
is that parents and teens have a very
different notion about the purpose of
school. HereĚs how I believe it works:
For parents, the perception is that we
work all day, the kids donĚt. School is
their job. Therefore, they should get
good grades, just as we want to do well
on our jobs.
The
teenagers perception is quite different,
however. In their view, school is rarely
more than their social world,
interrupted by six or seven classes a
day.
Having
said that, here's a list of the top
eight things you as a parent can do to
make this a successful school year.
1) Create an environment at home that
models a love of learning.
How often have your children seen you
reading? Heard you talking about
something you have learned? Discussed
ideas and issues with them? While these
are things to have started from day one
with your child, you can still implement
them in your home now.
2) In whatever way works for you, make
sure your teen knows that while grades
are vitally important, they are more
important to you than their grades.
That's the number one thing I hear from
kids when I ask them what gets in the
way of talking about school with their
parents.
3) This one is so simple yet so
profound. Ask them their opinion on
important issues of the day.
You may surprised to find out what kind
of brain they have in there.
4) Make sure there is nothing blocking
your teenager from learning.
One example of a block to learning could
be a learning or information processing
disorder, or something like Attention
Deficit Disorder. Many teenagers I work
with that have difficulty with school
have undiagnosed ADD or ADHD.
Another
block to learning can be the use of
alcohol and drugs. Part of the process
of drug abuse is that kids begin to lose
interest in things that were once very
important to them. If they are drunk or
high in school, not only do they not
want to learn, they can't.
5) Know the names and philosophies of
the following people who influence your
child's life:
the principal, assistant principles, the
guidance counselor, and most especially
the teachers.
6) Take a walk through their school one
day.
By all means, don't let them see you.
The reason I suggest this is parents
need to understand at an experiential
level that the school world their kids
go to each day is nothing like the
school world we knew. Not even close.
Even if it's the same school. Just too
much has changed.
7) If discussion about grades has become
a battleground during a particular time
of day, declare that time "off limits"
to grade talk, unless the teen brings it
up.
For some families that time is the care
ride home, or right after school. For
many it's the dinner table. Many
families have reported better digestion
after declaring dinner time off limits
to grade talk.
8) Once you have done all this, simply
put them in charge of school.
What I mean by this is make them
responsible for their performance at
school. This may be particularly
difficult, because this can be one of
those situations where things may get
worse before they get better. This is
especially true if you have been pushing
and pushing the last few years. There
may be a drop off in performance as they
learn how to be in charge of themselves
with school.
Wanting your children to excel in school
is a good and natural thing. There comes
a time when the ball is simply in their
court, and it's up to them. I think the
most important thing for parents to
remember is that school eventually needs
to become more important to them than
it is to you
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